Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
She bit a glass in half.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
