I smell stomach acid.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
