he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
