Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
be right there i have to get my cape
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
