This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Randomize
