a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
