4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
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