That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
