Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
I just threw up on my dentist
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
