420 ftw
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Randomize
