So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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