Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
