More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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