mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Randomize
