don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
