my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
If I die, sorry about rent.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
