I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
