just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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