Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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