now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
