i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
