i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
