shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Randomize
