My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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