The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
