So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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