Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
