ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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