He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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