if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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