i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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