theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
