So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
They left me at home... I'm a liability
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
