My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
