So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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