im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
