You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Randomize
