May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
