What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
