Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
