Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
false alarm, still single
Randomize
