so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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