can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
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