This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
