in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
