please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
