I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Randomize
