I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
