i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
