in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
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